Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
