Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
