dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
