I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
