Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
So apparently I’m into choking now
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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