Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
