I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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