I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
