More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Randomize
