so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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