Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
this boner is exhausting
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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