my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
