My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
