Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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