At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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