take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
