I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
