I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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