I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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