i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
