Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
