Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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