I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
