based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
