would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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