Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
