wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My vagina just clenched in fear
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
