11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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