worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
