it hurts more in the daytime
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
