im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
