i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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