You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
