Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
