Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
