why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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