Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
