So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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