You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
My breasts were aching with rage.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
