watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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