it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
