the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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