My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Found your dick twin last night
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
