You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
