Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
