i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
