We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
