if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
