I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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