You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
