I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
