Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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